Fourteen Things to Do with a Drunken Slipper

1) Knock (together) on the side of a fishtank–they won’t mind, even at 2 AM
2) Puddles, immersive treatments to all the world’s puddles
3) Treat it to a bedtime story
4) Show the crook of your shoulder to a good friend and the slipper; then they’ll have something in common
5) Lie down outside someone else’s disco and watch the stars
6) Buy it a habanero pepper, on you
7) X-Ray its innards for signs of peppers (slipper’s consent)
8) Teach it basic piano theory
9) Perch it on the shoulder that does not house a parrot
10) Outline Peruvian buildings on white page halves but let it colour them in
11) Before and after photos
12) Mentally note the level of paranoia downstairs neighbours exude per squish on the squish
13) Name it after your first true love
14) The cavity behind a pomegranate seed feels fibrous, like bone, which gets you thinking about singing

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